


The relationship agreement

by Lord_Risley



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, Inappropriate storytelling, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Misunderstandings, Relationship(s), School Reunion, Sherlock does not understand social norms, relationship contract
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7256110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Risley/pseuds/Lord_Risley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John desperately wants to drag Sherlock along to a school reunion, show him off a little. Sherlock...less keen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The relationship agreement

**Author's Note:**

> I was at work, I was bored. Oops.

There were many things that Sherlock Holmes did not understand and that frustrated him greatly. Why did people do irrational and senseless things? He did not mean violence of course because that made sense to him, it was rational, logical even. A man lashed out at another to cause pain and prove his dominance. Man has always enjoyed inflicting pain on his fellow man, these days it was just dressed up as sport and had rules added to it to make it socially acceptable. Violence had a purpose. This…This did not.

 

“Please” John was imploring with the air of a desperate man. “Please come with me. If I turn up to another one of these things alone they’ll all think I was making you up”

“Would that really matter so much? You don’t even like these people and yet you wish to show off your success to them. It will be a dull, tedious evening and most of all, a waste of our time. Wouldn’t you rather assist me in reorganising the mould collection?” Sherlock remained where he was. He was laid out across the sofa and he was holding his ground. If he moved now John would think he was weakening and that he might be on the verge of agreeing to go to this wretched event.

“That’s the whole point!” John half shouted, throwing his arms up in frustration. It just made the prone Sherlock smirk. John losing his cool and starting to shout meant he was winning. A few more minutes and John would yell something, stomp about and possibly leave him in peace this evening. Why on earth did he think that Sherlock would want to attend a reunion with him? The thought alone made his skin crawl.

“The point is to have a tedious time? What possible benefit is there to having a tedious time?” Sherlock asked in a bored tone, his phone held above his face, his attention starting to drift from the argument.

“Because that is what you do at reunions. Nobody wants to go but you all do so you can be nosey and see who got fat, who lost weight, who got married yet again, who is having an affair with who, which of the bullied kids pulled it together and gets to rub their success in their tormentors face. You all stand in a crappily decorated room listening to music from your uni’ days, swaying on the spot and sizing everyone up. That’s why you go. ..Plus I promised Mike Stamford that I would go” he mumbled the last bit because he knew Sherlock was going to jump all over that.

“AHA!” Came the predictable response. “So you don’t even want to go do you? Mike would understand, tell him you were kidnapped or had diarrhoea”

John’s lips pursed together, a clear sign that he was getting annoyed. His face somewhat resembled a cats bum right about now. “You…are seriously suggesting Sherlock…that I send my apologies for not attending along with the excuse of having explosive diarrhoea that prevents me from leaving the house? Because if you are seriously suggesting that, I may have to rethink my policy about not killing you. I want these people to be impressed! Not to think that I have severe gastrointestinal problems!”

“You wanted them to talk about you, I am sure they would talk about your stomach troubles just as much as they would your love life”

John groaned and slid down in his armchair, his hands coming up to cover his face. He couldn’t believe he was even having this conversation, it was ridiculous, it was beyond ridiculous…It was so…Sherlock like. Then…then just as hope seemed lost a little something sparked in his mind. He started to smile. He had him, he absolutely had him. When he and Sherlock had started dating it had been bumpy to say the least. A man who had never admitted to a romantic relationship and a short fused ex soldier was always going to be difficult. One evening after a row about shared shower gel (Yes, that had led to a fight) they had sat down together at the kitchen table and discussed their relationship and what the rules were. Sherlock had even typed it up and It was neatly pinned to his wall now. “This is a social event which is of importance to one half of this couple and that requires the attendance of the other half of the couple”

Sherlock joined John in the cat bum expression. His head turned slowly to the side, his phone was lowered. “Well why didn’t you just say that to start with? Really John” He huffed. “You do overcomplicate things don’t you?” With a light and graceful movement, he rolled from the sofa and stood up. “I will change and be ready in ten minutes” he swept off toward the bedroom, dressing gown cord trailing behind him. John just stared at the spot where Sherlock had recently been laying. Why didn’t he think of that earlier? How did he manage to feel so stupid when it was clearly Sherlock being unreasonable? Damn it…

 

An hour later and the couple stood in a crappily decorated room listening to Duran Duran and drinking cheap wine from plastic cups. “You were incredibly accurate” Sherlock said as he looked about. “This is the most depressing display of-“

“Be nice. Pleaseeee” John replied in somewhat of a whine. “I know you think this is all bollocks and that you have mould spores in petri dishes that I accidentally moved out of position, I know you hate pop music, I know you hate cheap wine but pleaseee just for an hour or two look like you are happy to be here and be here with me? Do that and I will never invoke the relationship rules again to get you to one of these things”

Hmm. Sherlock thought he had been doing an admirable job already but apparently not. His poor John looked so desperate . Yes, the music was ghastly and the wine could possibly be used as paint stripper but…”Fine. I shall make an effort to ‘blend’ in. I absolutely will not dance though”

“Not a problem” John said quickly. “Wouldn’t expect you too”

 

A tall blonde woman was walking their way, her long hair swept up into a French knot and just a few stray tendrils hung down. Her dress was simple, a black dress that showed off a long pair of legs. John groaned and shuffled closer to Sherlock. “Angie Wilcox” He whispered into his wine. “She took delight in turning me down frequently” Sherlock shrunk down an inch or two so he could whisper back more easily. “John. Why did you persevere if she turned you down?”

“I was a hormonal young man and she had these...” He stopped, his cheeks went bright pink.

“Am I to assume from your hand gestures that you mean she frequently walked around with a football in each hand and that she carried them at chest height?” Sherlock queried as the woman drew closer

John was about to snap back that now was not the time for sarcasm but one look at his boyfriends face told him it wasn’t sarcasm. Good God, Sherlock was serious. Another conversation for another day that. “Breasts, I meant breasts Sherlock”

“I don’t have breasts”

“No love, no you don’t”

“I’m a man”

“Correct again”

“Then why did you pursue her? she’s obviously a woman with large footballs”

Oh double hell, definitely not time for THAT conversation. John turned his back to Angie and grabbed Sherlock's shirt, pulling them level with one another. “I love you. I love completely and utterly. I find you desireable and I can only apologise for any adolescent mistakes. I pursued her but it was just for show because I was struggling to build up the courage to ask out Mark Richardson…which I never did. I do not want large footballs, I mean breasts. I want you, cheekbones, height, mould spores and relationship agreements”

“John! John Watson!” Angie shrilled behind him. John whirled around and almost lost his footing. He was only saved from tripping over his own feet by Sherlock’s hands clamping onto his waist

“Angie. Great to see you again, it’s been too long”

“It had dahling. I miss having you follow me about like a little puppy dog, always boosted my confidence to get asked out by you. So sweet of you. Who’s this with you?” She was already eyeing Sherlock up like he was a steak dinner with triple cooked chips.

“Sherlock Holmes” He introduced himself but kept his grip on John. “Johns partner”

“Business? What sort of business?” She took a sip from her wine and then popped a grape into her mouth and licked over her lips. John wouldn’t have been surprised if some dodgy porn music had started up when she did that.

“No. Well…he is my blogger, but I meant sexually. He’s my lover, my very skilled and attentive lover. We share a flat, a bed and also shower gel when he forgets the rules of the bathroom”

 

It had been years since John had had to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. Three good sternal thrusts had done the trick though and Angie had been taken off to the bathroom by her friends to try to salvage her wine soaked dress. John had tried desperately not to laugh and to explain to Sherlock but the music had become louder and the lights had dimmed. His mental list of things to discuss with Sherlock was getting out of hand. 

They had ended up on the dancefloor, swaying to Lionel Richie. Every few minute John tried to gently move Sherlock’s hands but it was a losing battle. Sherlock had a hand on each butt cheek and that’s where they were staying, occasionally having a not very subtle grope.

By the end of the evening there was nobody in the room who could be in any doubt as to who John was and whom he was dating. Sherlock had dragged John about the room, telling each and every person what a wonderful lover he was and what a successful life they had.

 

As they lay in bed together, some hours later, John stroking a hand idly down Sherlock's arm he thought he would tackle one tiny thing from the list in his head.

“Love? Thank you for tonight. It was better than I hoped for”

“You’re welcome. Tomorrow we do something I enjoy”

“Yes” John groaned. “Mould spores, I know. Um..I just wanted to mention one tiny little thing”

“Was I not enthusiastic enough?”

“No! You were great”

“Did I miss somebody?”

“No, no…Just…you know when you got up on the stage, took the DJ’s microphone and told a sixteen minute story about us having sex in various positions and locations?”

“Yes?”

“Bit too much love, just a smidge”

“Noted. Less graphic sexual talk next time. They know you’re in a successful relationship now though”

“Yup…Nobody could doubt that” John laughed and kissed Sherlock lightly. “No doubt”


End file.
